NATARYCLYREHS

2011-04-23T02:49:00.003+08:00

New skin! Work of my own.
I like to do line work despite the ridiculous amount of time that goes into it.
Had dinner with the bf but prior to that..we found out that Bossini slashed the prices of their twenty nine dollars marvel t-shirts to just NINE.
Got Bf the X-men and Avengers ones.
Another X-men tee for the brother and the Spiderman one for myself.
So happy with the purchase.
It was my first impulsive buy in a very long time.ahahha

2011-04-20T23:06:00.002+08:00

I really,in-all-honesty-cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die wish to delete this blog. REALLY.
BUT. Yes but, am super attached to it.
It in many ways grew up with me.
When was the first post? 2005? Those days when I still type like that... with plenty...of dots...and FonTs ThAt LooK LikE tHis.
Biggest pet peeve now.hahaha

I'd like to think that I matured beyond this blog over the past few years.
I would like to not remind myself of the silly things I used to do.
(Please don't search the archive now)
And yet, I came to a conclusion that it was those silly things that really made me who I am today.
Yes, I'm still a nobody trying to be somebody but I'm a lot more at peace with myself now.
This blog has served me very well. It's a documentation of my growth as a person.
So, I'm thinking of giving it a face lift and blogging more regularly.

After all,

I'm still very much an opinionated person.

2011-04-09T02:21:00.003+08:00

" Tell me. sing a song for my lonely soul..."

I don't know why, but to date I am still very much affected by what people think of me.
I'm just starting to feel comfortable around them and to hear a negative comment now; it makes me want to build up walls again. Be all cautious and wary again.
I feel judged and really wanna cry and let you know how bad it feels but I shouldn't.
So I wouldn't.

I know you'll probably come across this post on a later date.
By then, it'll all be over.

2011-02-21T02:08:00.002+08:00

"I'll be okay..."

I'm a little thankful that I don't blog here much these days.
Thankful that very few or no one reads it.

I know that I said that it was alright.
BUT...I can't help feeling like I'm some kind of an embarrassment.
Why am I feeling this lousy?

kbye

2010-11-10T01:48:00.002+08:00

"Look what we've missed, living like this,nobody wins..."

I feel like I'm falling apart and all you can say is that you're sick of me feeling this way
Wow.
Why don't you just shoot me cause there's no way I'm gonna jump of a bloody building.

2010-09-11T02:24:00.002+08:00

"Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard..."

I think I need a solo holiday to re-evaluate my life, my goals and my priorities.
I need away time from everyone.
(I ought to fly off with my aunt to dubai this coming sunday.hahaha)
There are too many people feeding me too many ways think, too many ways to feel.
All conflicting ideas, I'll add.
There's a freaking traffic jam in my head.
I sort of lost the initial joy and pride I had in what I claimed I loved to do.
Oh well.
I guess I still cant pry away from this damned lifestyle.

kfxckingbye.

2010-08-15T00:34:00.002+08:00

" To act and damn the consequence, how I wish it could be that easy..."

I feel so crumbly.
I'm upset about being upset.
I know I'm not at my worst.
I just feel very suffocated.
Do you not understand?
Why are you all so quick to label me spoilt and whiny?
Do you actually think I'm happy with this state of insecurity?
As much as you always emphasize how much you're not like me, please take a step back and realise I'm not like you either.

Thank you much.

2010-07-30T00:31:00.002+08:00

"Take me back to the paradise city..."

Well, last count was 541.
The number of times I blog here is seriously depleting.
I'm very close to giving up.
I hardly have the time.
Not that anybody really reads this space much.
You can find me at www.nataryclyrehs.tumblr.com more often.
(cos it's alot more fun and inspiring.)
It's kinda like an art journal.

I'll still whine here occasionally.
I do believe I'm much more content with my life now.
That's leaves me with alot less things to be upset about.
Freelance work is awesome, the tshirt business is somewhat on its way.
And the bf is wonderfully wonderful.

So, see ya around.

KBYE.

2010-07-09T01:24:00.002+08:00

"What a shame. What a rainy ending given to a perfect day..."

I can't sleep because I'm upset.
Do you know?

Kbye.

2010-07-08T23:04:00.002+08:00

"You make me wanna die, I'll never be good enough..."

When I comment on something, you say I'm angry.
When I defend myself, claiming that I'm not. You say I'm angry.
When you persist and I raise my voice to state my point. You say I'm angry.

I'll shut up then.
So don't ask why I'm quiet.
I'm not bloody fucking angry either.
Tsk.

Kbye

2010-06-04T14:59:00.003+08:00

"Give my gun away when it's loaded..."

So cute right?
From miss bibi, for that inner gangsta in you.hahaha

kbye.

2010-05-17T14:16:00.003+08:00

"We can pretend that airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars..."

It's gonna be a fast week I promise you.
Lots on my plate but I really do enjoy the rush!
I'm currently doing a powerpoint for some primary school lesson.
It's 24 bucks for a powerpoint.
Sweet or what?
And on the other hand I'm talking to Tingz who's making me laugh stitches.
She says funny funny things like. " touch all the wood in the world."
Point is a meet up is due.

Am waiting for a wlignets sketch.

OKAY. I'm outta here!

Kbye.

2010-04-28T02:20:00.003+08:00

"When fact is fiction and tv, reality..."

I think I miss filling this space up on a daily basis.
Since the day, I've lost connection with the internet, I only blog courtesy of starbucks/coffeebean/mcdonalds's wireless.
And now, even though I have the access 24/7, the motivation isn't there no more.

Oh wells.

I'm in a reflective mood today.
Nafa's grad show is round the corner. How should it affect me, you would ask.
I am sometimes curious about what I'm missing out.
I don't deny that I've gained alot being a drop out.
It's just a lingering question of "what if."
I guess the only consolation is my need to be different.
I never believed in achieving things by walking up mainstream and conforming to the norm.
But do you think the way I do?
Would they?

2010-03-18T01:35:00.002+08:00

"I've got a feeling if I sing this loud enough, you will sing it back to me..."

7TH MARCH 2010.

I waited years for this!!

Can't wait till the next time they're here.

2010-02-15T22:57:00.002+08:00

"Our luck is the the way we feel.."

It's CNY again.

Having guests at my place.

I feel so handicapped without my mac.

Damn you stupid charger.

What a random compilation of sentences.

Kbye.

2010-01-22T23:06:00.002+08:00

"Wild horses I wanna be like you..."

My folks are fighting.

I have a huge zit on my chin.

My sister's boyfriend issues are annoying.

I've yet to get a decent CNY apparel.

I'm broke.

I need a new pair of contacts.

I wish I was successful.

I wish I have a religion.

I wish I was skinny.

I wish to move out of tcc.

I wish there's food at home to eat.

Kbye.

2010-01-19T21:45:00.002+08:00

"I don't wanna love you if love leaves me this cold..."

It feels like we're going down a familiar road that I went down before.

It's just this time it hurts a hundred times more.

Kbye.

2010-01-08T02:33:00.002+08:00

"Black holes and revelations..."

In case you haven't heard, I passed out on the train the other day.

I literally fainted in a far less glamorous way than you can possibly imagine.

How embarrassing. Far more humiliating for the BF I suppose.

He was a knight in shining armour/ superhero!!

hahaha. He lugged me out from the train with hundred pairs of eyes staring to the train station ( as I lay unconscious) where the very nice people of SMRT got me a wheelchair and brought me to their staff lounge. They fed me milo and biscuits, and a lecture about eating regularly. At the end of the whole thing I asked him, " Exciting anot? First time I faint leh!" To which he replied, " You think you very funny huh? You know how worried I was....."

So much for a memorable monthniversary.

So I went for a bloodtest yesterday after much persuasion/nagging from the bf.

They poked me in the place I dreaded most.(The area where the joint of your arm is located)

So there I was freaking out like hell, and they refuse to let my hero come in with me.@#$%^&*(

I went thru the damn ordeal by myself if you haven't realise by now.

Turns out I'm anaemic. Here's the best part, they can't figure out why and I have to go for a bloodtest AGAIN.

Yea, I've overcome the fear but its not like I enjoy it. I don't go round saying "poke me.poke me."

Why couldn't they done the analysis with the same vile of blood they've drawn earlier?

Sigh.I'm scheduled to be poked again next week. Raaaaawwrrr.

And yes baby, your my hero (in a high squeaky voice)

kbye

2009-12-29T02:02:00.002+08:00

"Drive fast until we crash..."

Judging from the opening of this post, you can expect a pretty emo crap one.

I think this feeling is contributed by the fact that 2009 is drawing to an end.

And well, you've heard this before, I'm still stuck...here.

I'm such a boring person.

I don't have a life.

I'm one example of a person who starts fading out of the social circle until gradually I'll disappear entirely.

Nobody bothers to ask, "Hey, how are you nowadays?" anymore.

Cause they've all heard the story before.It's same old, same old.

You know, I never really saw myself in such a position.

I think I can easily consider myself as one of the moderately goody goody kind of student back then.

Who would have thought that I'll end like the ahlians in secondary school, who puff away at their fags in the toilet.

And when the discipline master comes round for a check, they shove their cigarettes to me for safe keeping cause no one in hell would EVER suspect me.

What happened?

I'm still a little shock at this reversal of roles.

I'm fighting so hard not end up like one of those girls who tend stores in bugis street FOR A LIVING.

I thought I was much more than what I am now.

I'm hoping for a better year in the coming one.

Still, part of me tells me to not keep my hopes up.

Okay, I'm really being panicky about lots of stuff.

Now more than ever now I've come to know what my mum has been doing.

You know, I don't really have much in life to be dancing around about.

I know I have one for sure and I'm holding on bloody tightly.

Then you tell to be less dependent.

You're telling me to not depend too much on that main source of happiness in my life.

It really stopped in my tracks.

It made me feel like a burden.

It made me feel like, I was carrying this burden for a while and some comes along and say "Hey,I'll help you."

Then changed his mind and say," Maybe I shouldn't. You'll turn complacent."

It made me feel like, after scaring the shit out of myself, I scared the crap out of you.

I also wish I have more in life to be passionate about.

That's apparently not the case I guess.

I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, but the recent situation in my life kinda messed my head up a little.

Even, with your persistent assurance.

I somehow feel one day you're gonna think that you've had enough and walk away.

It nearly happened once.

So close.

I know you're gonna say this whole paradigm thing is gonna come true if I keep pushing it.

BUT, I'm not exactly an optimistic person to begin.

Not when you lost your religion.

Not when you think God doesn't give two hoots about you when you're not worshipping Him in the right way.

I'm done.

Kbye.

2009-12-17T22:15:00.004+08:00

"I'm not ready for hell, hell no..."

I'm exhausted and feeling really busy lately. Late nights and all and well, the flu bug took advantage and decided to take over.

Did I mentioned that I'm relatively broke?

I have to think twice about taking MCs now.

It also makes me wonder if I have what it takes should I get the job as an advertising executive.

What if my body fails me? What If I fail myself?

I think its about time that I got out of this hole.

Really.

Aellesia was here the other day.

We made jewellery out of beads. It started with just one but she kept asking for more.

So much so that my aunt thought that she looked very much like a christmas tree.( As seen in the photo above.)hahaha.

She said she loves me. :D

And she's darn oversized for a three year old.

Kbye.

2009-12-12T22:09:00.000+08:00

"And I'm missing you..."

Hung out with the rest to celebrate jaja's belated birthday yesterday.

Went home kinda late and baby had to forgo sleep as he was headed for KL with his family.

Feels weird to not receive "goodnight calls".

Kbye.

2009-11-28T05:58:00.000+08:00

"Scores of people moving in every direction..."

Kinda my first entry with polariods. Camera courtesy of the bf. <3

Headed to newton foodplace for supper with the TCC people.

After work that is.

Kbye.

2009-11-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

"So light a candle on your cake for every smile you've helped create..."

It's the bf's birthday.
We weren't intending to celebrate it together as he was spending it with his family.

But, I couldn't resist surprising him at night.

I went to jurong point and tried my hand at cake decorating.

I thought it was probably one of the most sincerest things I've ever done.

Then, it dawned upon me how much I sucked at decorating and how ugly the cake turned out to be.

So, I wrote an apology on the cake as well.I couldn't even write it in full cause I know I would disfigure it even further.

Here's the one taken when I met him under his void deck.

Together with his mini present.He's original present was a drum pad with a stand:)

Don't bother asking why there's no picture of him blowing out candles and what not.

People act camera shy.

hahaha.

Kbye.

2009-11-05T16:26:00.001+08:00

"Who missed the crimson apple..."

I met up with Luq yesterday and we had a pretty good talk which (hopefully) helped me decide what I should be doing now.
I'm currently at SP waiting for the bf to finish class.

It's been a year already:)

Had swensen's a while ago to celebrate.
Thanks for the polaroid baby.:)
Love you many.

2009-11-02T01:39:00.002+08:00

"Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year..."

I think it's pretty normal to wonder what exactly is gonna happen to your life in the near future.

I mean I've been out of school for a heck of a long time now.

I've yet to accomplish anything with my life and sometimes I doubt if I ever will.

Maybe I just don't have what it takes to be the person I thought I could be.

Family? I don't think they are able to help me.

They can't even help themselves.

I feel so emo shit.

Kbye

2009-09-06T17:27:00.003+08:00

"You can sit beside me when the world comes down."

Baby bought me an Alexandra Potter book even though I told him not to.
I well on my way to building the home library of the future.
Thank kiu Belly belly much.

My CPF loan repayment is really annoying.
It really eats up all my pay.
I really cannot have any future plans, be it school or business with it around.Damn.
Anyway, did this sometime back.Was inspired by a Lee ad that was featured in Juice for quite some time now.
I know it sucks.
Kbye.

2009-08-31T16:39:00.000+08:00

"We can stay in this moment for the rest of our lives..."

Baybeats 2009.
Went there solely for Anberlin alone.

They had 3 separate performances.
An interview earlier at 3.Followed by an acoustic set, ( Picture below)

and the final one at the powerhouse. We were caught in the mosh pit which eventually led us to the third row. Came out bloody sweaty and with insanely muddy shoes. ( It rained quite a fair bit)
Well,we also got one of their guitar picks in the process.Courtesy of some lucky dude who managed to pick up two amidst the crowd.He was nice to give one of them to us.How's that for a souvenir:)
This post is dedicated to Yoelnini who couldn't make it:)
Kbye.

2009-08-20T20:53:00.001+08:00

"Ignorance is your new best friend..."

Hello from Tcc PBJ (Peanut butter & jelly)(Parco Bugis Junction)
Was running errands the whole afternoon and Finally! I Cat Socrates(ed) and now, having dinner.

I've been thinking of chopping my hair off and been contemplating of something like Sam's of ANTM's cycle 11.

2009-07-02T20:27:00.002+08:00

"Burning down neverland..."

Quite ironic a title now that MJ's dead.

I'll update beginning with the fact that I haven't been having internet access from home.

Heck, I didn't know FB added a new garden feature to pet society.

So I apologise for late replies or no replies online.

AND IF YOU"VE BEEN CHATTING WITH ME ON MSN ALL THESE WHILE, YOU WERE MOST PROLLY TALKING TO THE BASTARD WHO HACKED MY ACCOUNT.So ya. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Signing off from Emax.

Kbye.

2009-05-20T00:58:00.003+08:00

"Like vines, we intertwine..."

Watch Angels and Demons!!!
Heck of an awesome show.
The best that I've watched this year.
kbye.

2009-05-08T01:22:00.003+08:00

"I want to dance in the mighty palm of your hand..."

I thought this was pretty cool.

Just painted a set of coasters. Tell me (honestly) what you think about it.

2009-04-15T19:20:00.002+08:00

"Who are you..."

I've been wanting to blog for a while, but I got lazy/tired.

Had this conversation with baby yesterday.We were discussing people, who in our opinion, are hot.

I really think The Rev is. In a very understated way.

Plus he's smart and has bad ass vocals.

He's tattoos are damn sexy larrrr....

Ok. I'll stop here, ( but continues to swoon in secret)I know I come across very fan girl already.

Since we're on the topic of eye candy's.

This was what baby said on his first day of work at TCC.

"Now you got new eyecandy at bugis TCC already."

lol!Thick skin lar!. But damn cute:)

kbye.

2009-04-10T11:35:00.001+08:00

"Don't know why..."

I feel super off today. SUPER.
I'm cranky and frustrated.
AH. Fuck it.

2009-04-05T05:58:00.002+08:00

"It could be so simple..."

You know it's love when he surprises you in the middle of the night (under your block) and you scream "Dont' prank me LAR!" when he called to tell you, "I'm downstairs."

<3 :D

2009-04-02T01:19:00.002+08:00

"Just you and me..."

Cat Socrates Cafe. Robots. Toys. Books. Photography. Runny noses. Hot chocolate. Almond cake. Apple cake. Friends.Window seat.Slow music. Dim lights. Lazy afternoon.

You.

Me.

Love.

2009-03-26T22:30:00.001+08:00

"Walk..."

I hate even more.
You existence is just to purely make my life miserable.
I'm done with you.

2009-03-25T22:15:00.002+08:00

"Take me away, take me far away from here..."

I hate home.
I'm done.

2009-03-24T02:16:00.003+08:00

"We'll look back some day at this moment we're in..."

I had a great time today baby. :D

Rented and watched Madagascar 2!

I didn't say 3 this time. So I got it right okay.

It's strange how the best things in life comes in such wonderful, simple, little packages:)

Why am I laughing?hahahahaah...

2009-03-22T23:27:00.002+08:00

"Like a river meets the sea..."

It's World Water Day, ya'll

2009-03-22T01:26:00.002+08:00

"Drops of jupiter in her hair..."
Taken from the window. No editing.
The sky was so orange that I questioned if it was the end of the world.
It's no wonder really. The day turned out really horrid.
The duo rainbows were pretty reassuring though.

And I simply cannot express how much the two important guys in my life mean to me.
I love my dad and Fizby soooooo much.
Seriously, I wouldn't know what I'll do without them.

Anyway, Brad Paisley's Then is so darn sweet.
It turns me into a pool of mush.
It's better than Colin Raye's Love Me.

Kbye.

2009-03-19T23:38:00.002+08:00

"Nothing compares to..."

I've got the final riot!!
Not as brilliant as that of A7X but awesome nevertheless.
Love the music arrangement much more than recorded.
Anybody who knows me well enough knows I'm a HUGE fan.
So yea..
PARAMORE!

kbye.

2009-03-13T01:25:00.003+08:00

"And then some green..."

Baby asked me to watch this.
I felt a little cheated cause he said X men 4.
But its really funny.

And here's another I can't get enough of

I love buttercup man.

And Sarah's getting really irritated cause I keep replaying the video.
heh heh heh( imitates freddie the frog)

kbye

2009-03-05T01:33:00.002+08:00

"I wanna be there for you..."

But, how?
I feel like rushing all the way there to personally make sure you're okay.
Cause like you said, I can't judge by your tone of voice.
And I shouldn't assume.

And there's another that I've learnt recently.
The best way to be there for you is to not be there at all.

Which option would you choose, love?

I'm kinda frustrated at myself for not being able to do anything.
I know I'm lousy.

I ought to shut up.
Not like you need any more of my whiny shit.

2009-03-01T17:37:00.003+08:00

"Perfect..."

You make me wanna work so hard so I can shut your trap up.
I want to be so successful and laugh back at your face the same amount of times you told me I'm not gonna make it.
Embarrassed of me?
Ha.Go ahead and disown.
I don't give a fuck.
Not anymore.
I'm tired of trying to please you.
You're not gonna be satisfied even if I took over the world.
Why bother trying eh?
I'm not the perfect daughter.
You're the perfect mom either.

Asking me to go with the flow of society?
I'm not that type Ma,
I'm not that type.

You ought to know if you were the wonderful mom in the first place.

2009-02-27T20:17:00.006+08:00

"Just dance..."

This post is to annoy the bf who complains that I facebook too much.
Playing pet society.
So baby,
meet CRAYON. Cute right? Sitting on her beanbag looking like prisoner.Here's her eating a strawberry in the kitchen.Rocking out.Shitting or peeing, I don't know.Bathing with bowler hat on.The washing machine I told you about.And the trophy collection:)

hehe.kbye

2009-02-20T14:18:00.003+08:00

"Say it's true, or everything that matters breaks in two..."

This is one video which always, I emphasize on ALWAYS, makes me cry.

Do you ever think about the future?

What do you see?

I see you.

2009-02-09T15:51:00.003+08:00

"We are hiding in a safer place..."

I've been feeling sick for the past week or so.

I reckon that I suffer from insomia too.

I've been working on the shirt for my first official customer:)

Well, it's a simple vector.

But I had to sketch it from scratch okay.lol.( I know I give myself too much credit.)

kbye.

2009-01-30T12:48:00.002+08:00

"And I put my arms around you..."

Chinese New Year was a bore.
Pretty much like what I had expected.
Had 'fun' dodging questions only to realise what a failure the attempt was, cause gossip was food for entertainment. I'm sure they had fun.
But they're family. As much as I wish they will shut their boasting, gossiping, snickering mouths up. They won't.
The best part has to be they don't consider my feelings when they decide to poke fun or make it a conversational topic.
When they fall someday, I won't do what you did to me.
I'm quite certain though, that you'll catch me with that smug look on my face and I hope (quotes The All American Rejects) that it'll give you hell.
GOD, forgive me.
Don't question why so little photos. My sister insisted on keeping the camera.So I was deprived.
That is the very reason whys sometimes, I hate to share.
It takes too much tolerance.

Okay, I'll stop complaining and try to tone down the crankiness.

My life's been fairly wonderful thanks to fizby.
I'm so sure, I'll still be that selfish, emo shit of a person if not for him.
He makes all the stupid things I have to put up with look minor.
I'm very blessed and I know it.:)

2009-01-25T02:12:00.002+08:00

"I wanna be..."

I want to eat at Sunshine Plaza's Sarah's place.
Just thinking about is making me super hungry.

I want OMELET TE BAGUETTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luq asked me to open my house for CNY to play mahjong.lol.

kbye.

2009-01-22T14:01:00.002+08:00

"Oh no, I just keep on falling..."

Heads up. I'm gonna whine.
Go away if you want to.
Go watch Barney,Sesame Street, teletubbies or something.

I feel damn fucking frustrated right now.
These setbacks are so fucking irritating. Everything I'm motivated and ready to work my ass off something, there will always be something that makes it temporary impossible.
I don't have that much time to waste. I don't really need all this shit.
I don't need reasons to remind me that I'm fucking shit useless.
Yah. I'm having a fucking load of fun now.

bye.

2009-01-20T23:10:00.002+08:00

"You found me..."

I stand corrected about the mistake of my previous post.

It's Adidas. Not Nike. It's ADIDAS. It's ADIDASSSS!

Fizby insisted that he drag me to an Adidas outlet to prove it to me even though I already admit my mistake.(which he did)

Okay baby, STOP LAUGHING AT ME.

Or I'll blackmail you with all your bloopers. :D

2009-01-18T22:09:00.002+08:00

"Jump in, whatcha waiting for..."

Impossible is a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in a world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

-Nike

Inspiring, no?

My "brand".

2009-01-12T13:14:00.004+08:00

"Gives you hell..."

What an addictive song.

Gives you hell by The All American Rejects.

I've no idea how many times I listened to the song back to back.

Anyhoos, it was my Ahma's birthday yesterday.

Met up with Melisa.

Its been donkey years man.

We're in the same situation.With the same goals.

So yar, I'm not alone in this.

I feel so suffocated.I don't have enough time.

No one stops to listen.

2009-01-07T23:15:00.002+08:00

"Stay and that would be enough..."

Sickeningly sick.I'm guessing it was food poisoning.Much better today.

Maybe it's because a particular person dropped by to visit me despite being sick himself.

Sick,stressed and in need of a counsellor, I might add.Hehe :D

It's been two months of bliss. I want more more MORE! lol.

kbye.

2009-01-03T02:11:00.003+08:00

"You found me..."

It's a tad bit late, but
HAPPY NEW YEAR YA'LL!

I ended and started my year in bliss.:)

For visuals, click here.

2008-12-30T20:34:00.002+08:00

"Maybe we'll find better days..."

Suddenly, I saw the reality.

There's so many things I want to do and perhaps, things I NEED to do.

First with the shirt thingy.

Some days, I feel I'm so good, I'd kick ass.

Some days, I feel I'm not good enough.

And you know how people come and go in your life?

And how some people who you still wanna keep around?

I miss some people without realising how much I actually missed them.

I keep going on and on and on with stories about them.

Until he said, "You should meet up with them."

"Oh yar," only hit me then. (Palms forehead)

I miss Umi :planet unicorns,japanese gameshows, youtube ,empty workshops, glueing acrylic, train rides home,laughing fits,laughing bags,wedding bags,birthday goodie bags.

I miss Ahlian :bitchings,gossip,sarcastic comebacks,whining,funky ass hair.

I miss Atiqa :support, updates, network, advice, threats to tell my eye candy that I was gawking.

I miss Adel : faith reminders, being nice when I think my work sucks,gawking at eyecandies, giggling past TCC,making fun at me when TLIs are in sight.

I miss Irni :support,advice,sharing,encouragements,secrets,late nights at Nafa's com lab, Kung fu at Nafa's library,simply merepek stuff.

I miss Rachel :secrets,big secrets, to death secrets, sleepovers, photoshooting , late night chocolate snacks.

I miss Charlie: sarcastic and refreshing sense of humour, room to emo shit, photoshooting, encouragements, insights, advice AND MY BIENNALE ticket.

It's not that I not happy with the people in my life right now.

I love them just as much.

I still love __________

Farid

Jaja

ok, this is gonna take forever, but you get the idea..

2008-12-28T22:01:00.002+08:00

"Around you..."

Blogged here instead.

2008-12-25T22:21:00.002+08:00

"Joy to the world..."

I always thought Christmas was losing its meaning over the years.

But seriously, I don't think it could get any worse than this.

I'm spent the whole freaking day getting pissed off at different people and trying my hardest to tolerate and not snap or breakdown.

One in particular repetitively got me pissed over and over again.

So yar,Merry Christmas to all.

I cannot be happier now that it's almost over.

Bye.

2008-12-23T22:51:00.001+08:00

"So pick a fucking side and place the blame..."

Fuck shit.

2008-12-21T22:50:00.004+08:00

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you..."

I was really happy with simplest of things this morning.

5AM. Prata. Teh. Breeze. Stars. Sunrise. Fizby:)

and er...Azmin :S wth.

Okay. I'm trying my very best to be productive.

So here.My first printed shirt(okay, maybe not exactly) and Jaja's logo which I still find far from satisfactory.

2008-12-17T14:51:00.002+08:00

"Why am I dreaming..."

I feel so damn bloody emotional right now.
I want to get away so I can recover.
It's so bad that I don't wanna show up at work and make a fool of myself.

2008-12-17T00:03:00.001+08:00

"Here I stand, empty hand..."

I feel so fucked up now.

I want to be far away.

I don't know why.

2008-12-16T01:15:00.003+08:00

"And I unfold..."

Let us triumph or suffer from brain damage.

Just back from the Genting trip.

More photos when I get them.

And I don't think I wanna hide here.

ilu baby(:

Live for today

We'll dream tomorrow

We've got big plans in sight

We'll take this city and by nightfall

The bright lights are calling

Everything is going our way

Everything is just as we've planned

This is our future (from what we've heard)

And I've still got your hand

And it feels like we could last forever

And I'm not doing to do this alone

When memories fade

We've got each other

When time and confusion collide

Singing I hold it all when I hold you

When friends walk other ways

We've got each other

I hold it all when I hold

I hold it all when I hold you

We fell on hard times

This isn't the ideal

Miles from home

Doing the best we can (Best that we can)

I won't do this without you

I won't do this without you so take heart

Cause you know that you have mine

And it feels like we could last forever

And I'm not doing to do this alone

When memories fade

We've got each other

When time and confusion collide

Singing I hold it all when I hold you

When friends walk other ways

We've got each other

I hold it all when I hold

It's not about the money we make

It's about the passions that we ache for

What makes your heart beat faster

Tell me now what does your body long after

I don't care now where we live

It's not where, or what, or who we were with

I just need you in my life

So promise me again...

When memories fade

We've got each other

When time and confusion collide

Singin' I hold it all when I hold you

When friends walk other ways

We've got each other

I hold it all when I hold

I hold it all when I hold You

2008-12-08T20:42:00.002+08:00

"Medicine, make it okay..."

I think I'm running a fever.

I think mum ran away from home and is not coming home tonight.

I think my mum and Sarah are so alike.

I think adults are childish.

I think my parent's are childish.

I think people who judge my parent's without knowing the whole story are childish.

I think my dad's going thru alot and just because he doesn't say anything, people think he's okay.

I think this shit situation drove me to do something drastic with the scissors and my hair again.

I think this stupid giddy spell's so annoying cause it stopped me from going to jaja's open house.

I think my head's gonna split into two.

I think I don't know which side I'm going to take this time.

I think I've been writing too much.

I think I'm falling apart.

I think I'm scared that I'm falling apart.

Happy birthday Jaja.

Happy Holidays.

2008-12-01T00:45:00.003+08:00

"Throwing caution to the wind,I'll run free too..."

You worry about tomorrow,

You'll lose today.

You lose today,

You'll worry about it tomorrow.

(Fizby, go write a self help book lar.)

You know, tomorrow might not come at all.

I don't wanna care what's gonna happen tomorrow.

I'm enjoying what's happening in my todays.

There's much to love about it.

I don't wanna think what's gonna happen ten,twenty years down the road.

I wanna do things, go places, make a name for myself when I have absolutely nothing to hold me back.

Eighteen.I'm still young(:

If you're the colourpencil,

I'm the colourpencil holder.

2008-11-23T13:54:00.005+08:00

"The baffled king composing..."

I'm back. It's been a week I guess.

An eventful week I might add.

I'm not sure what to kick start this post with.

let's go with the typical descriptions of what had happened over the past few days.

Went to the Fish&Co. Glasshouse for dinner.

Bumped into my dear Yoelnini Mastooo Rararah and Nas(of course).

I got incredibly excited cause I dreamt of her the night before.Haha.We NEED to have a hangout soon beb. And she's the first of my NAFA friends to know about______________________.

Speaking of bumping, I bumped into Marlene on the bus too.

Anyways, back to fish&co. I love the glasshouse for the the acoustic live band.

That being said, some dimwit actually requested Britney Spear's Womaniser.Wth.

Are you dumb or what?

Next big thing that happened was the Sakura chalet.

It was ok but a tad bit boring towards the end.

I brought clothes to bathe and all but I ended up going home with what I wore there.

Waste my time.

Shuqi was biggest joke.

(She woke up at 5, while I happened to be awake thoughout the whole stay.)
I: "Why you wake up so early?"

Shuqi: " I want to go watch somerset..."

I: "Somerset?

Shuqi: "Ya..."

I(laughing already): "You mean sunrise is it?"

Shuqi: "Eh? Ya,ya. Sunrise."

She DIDN'T EVEN SAY SUNSET LAR!

You bring out the best in me..."

Fizby bought a book which I personally find highly relevant.

Also note that it's not normal for me to read self help books, but I converted?

Life's not perfect, but it's really wonderful.
Sometimes, I stop to wonder :
"Where did I go right..."

(I'm not ashamed to say that I listen to Hilary Duff

2008-11-17T02:32:00.003+08:00

"Love,life,one speaks for the other one..."

They weren't the only ones

talking to me.

Hearing their stories

only makes me fear

the things we might never be.

What if my life was to play

in repetition again?

Would I move back to the

place I started from?

Is it possible...can we defy my thoughts?

I'm scared of being too happy.

Funny?I know.

Sorry for the lack of entries, tag/messages/email/msn replies.

Been busy, then tired and then lazy.

2008-11-12T02:10:00.004+08:00

"You caught me off guard..."

Bliss. Motivation. Inspiration. Revelation. Exploration. Discovery. Comprehension. Bliss.

2008-11-06T23:01:00.004+08:00

"It's a state of bliss, you'd think you're dreaming..."

I'm feeling pretty sick but still pretty happy.:)

Anyhoos, I wanna go.

Quoting them : Great moosic, great food and lots of ice cream:)

kbye.

2008-11-03T15:32:00.002+08:00

"Me, you, my medication..."

Yesterday was international unhappy day.

I self proclaimed.

It reverted back to normal after the day was over(:

Topshop sneaks and tauhuay tarts please, mummy.please10

Bugis-ing in awhile.

ciao.

2008-11-02T13:09:00.002+08:00

"I don't know where to begin..."

I'm very cranky.

The whole family's doing things to farking irritate me.

Sheryl, sheryl, sheryl, sheryl, sheryl.

Everything's sheryl.

My room's a cluttered mess.

My table's a mess of my stuff and Sarah's.

MY TABLE.

Well, honestly, it wouldn't be much of deal when I'm not unhappy.

But I am pissed and I always blame people when I am.

And it's not like you people don't already know.

When I'm in a bad mood, I'll bring out all the past shit and emo it out together.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm really gonna spend the rest of my life at Sakura.

I doubt I even have enough money to go ahead with the business I had planned to.

And how the whole world keeps telling me it won't work out,

the only way to get my life back on track is to go back to school.

Don't bullshit with me.

I know my folks can't afford it.

I'm a selfish person but I'm not that selfish.

Also, I hate the idea of starting from scratch.

I ought to shut up before I start bitching like how I used to last time.

2008-10-31T12:03:00.002+08:00

"Talk they will..."

I love We The Kings.

I love acoustic music A LOT.

I love Travis Clark.

I love Travis's hair :D

I like bed hair. And it's red!

Ok, I sidetracked a little.

I was here to say that I love their songs.

Especially when acoustic-ed. :)

kbye.

2008-10-30T01:10:00.002+08:00

"Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground..."

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Don't drink before you drive me mad.

2008-10-28T00:50:00.002+08:00

"Look where we are now..."

I've been working.

It's been fun to a certain extent.

And I'm off tomorrow.

Seriously.I'm starting to appreciate off days more now.

Rocknrolla-ing tomorrow and I'm damn sleepy now.

KNights.

2008-10-24T09:00:00.001+08:00

"Said I'm okay but I know how to lie..."

The day started off wrong already and it's only 9 in the morning.

How much better can it get?

And I was honestly hoping for a good day.

2008-10-24T00:11:00.004+08:00

"Slow me down..."

Celebrated Sarah's birthday in advance.

I'm soooo not a fan of chinese food.

We wanted to have dinner at the Disney place.

But I think my folks feared the humiliation.

We saw Azmin at work.

His first question.

"Where's Hamid?"

Second question.

"Where's Geshy?"

Wtf.-_-

Anyway, new piece.

It started out with a blue colour scheme.

Then I got lazy.So sepia it is.

And I made it grainy.

And now it looks like I stepped into printmaking class again.

A7X concert's tomorrow.):

bye.

2008-10-22T01:55:00.002+08:00

"You'll always be my thunder..."

I want

Topshop sneakers
Everlast sneakers
Converse Hi-Tops
Pull and bear cap
Zara skull print tee.
Zara hippy dress.
Zara scarf.

I miss my short hair.

And it might lead to something impulsive with a pair of scissors.

KNights.

I'm feeling sick again.

2008-10-21T21:56:00.004+08:00

"I'll be okay..."

Having a chalet at The Chevrons is POINTLESS.Period.

One. It's like super near my house.

Quoting Hafiz, I might as well go home and sleep.

Two. Sarah and Lynn had to disappear to school in the morning since it's a weekday afterall.

Three. I'm still sick.

Four. My brother and friends hog the only TV. I'm sick of watching the back of their heads and four square scenes of them blasting each other at Halo.

Five. They are freaking noisy. It's annoying when you have a bad headache.

Need I go on?

So let's talk about anime.

Vampire Knight Guilty is out.Only the first two episodes though.

My latest obsession?

Hakushaku to Yousei!

Anything about faeries is an instant win for me.

My favourite type of costumes, location, a talking cat,eye candies.What's there not to like?

And can anyone resist a character who looks insanely like Tamaki of Ouran? Huh? Huh?

Rae! I know you cannot lar!

Two episodes are out.

And I'm done with my review.(:

2008-10-20T16:39:00.005+08:00

"Fly away..."

Flying away by ~myaki-ru on deviant ART
(clip opens in a new window)

I think I'm suffering from Adult ADHD.
I can very well be bipolar too.
I'm showing the symptoms.
My head is being put through so much, I think I'll land myself in an asylum by the time I hit twenty.

Dear God, let me pull through again.
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

I forgot that Hamid's gonna open his house next week.
I SS-ed my schedule.
SHIAT.
Not that I have any baju to wear to begin with.
FIACK SHIAT.

2008-10-19T23:50:00.002+08:00

"Explain to me, this conspiracy against me..."

2008-10-19T14:31:00.004+08:00

"I think I'm moving but I go nowhere..."

I'm not exactly the happiest thing around right now.

But hey, I didn't cry for anyone to see.

I made it a private thing.

Give me credit for that.

I think I've once mentioned that the right way didn't exactly meant that it was a pain free way.

I think that statement is applicable right now.

I won't walk away.

But that doesn't mean I have to pretend to be happy about it.

Shit stuff happens to shit people.

And I am shit.

I don't feel like talking.

More music, more black and white photos, please.

I need my escape.

Miniature pool.

2008-10-16T22:32:00.004+08:00

"Dear God, the only thing I ask of you..."

Hello world.

I SURVIVED THE FIRST DAY OF WORK!...again.

I came home with a million bruises...again.

I'm so clumsy that I keep walking into chairs and tables.

My drawing arm feels like it's gonna dislocate thanks to the lack of exercise and sudden carrying of plates.

And the work politics' INSANE.

I'll pretend to not hear/see a thing.

Let's hope it'll be fun and less busy tomorrow.

My arm's so not functioning properly.

I swear I'm gonna kick Hafiz down the hill soon.Wahaha. Revenge.(:

Anyways, I still waiting for photos that happened in school while I was away working.

Here's my present for Ahlian.

I finally designed and printed something.

Yayness.

And here's the 'documentation'.haha.

What you think?

kbye. Project runway time.

2008-10-14T22:02:00.003+08:00

"I'm a vampire..."

I'm a happy girl today!

Haha and I'm damn excited about Ahlian's presents tomorrow.

Oh well, I have my partner in crime(Umi) to feel excited for me since I'll be away working SS.

-_-

Did I tell how much fun Umi is?

She's loads of fun LAR.

I laughed myself silly today.

You HAVE to check out this vid.

I can't seem to rotate it, but watch it anyway.(: It's worth the trouble.

I felt an awesome sense of achievement today.

Wish me luck for tomorrow.(:

I hope I'll survive it.

AND, I nearly peed in my pants again today. I had to alight at commonwealth to relieve myself this time.

kbye.

2008-10-14T00:21:00.003+08:00

"Headlines read out..."

One last entry.

Okay, I feel used and Sarah knows why.

On my coming first day of work of all times.

I'll try to receive life's unpleasant surprises with grace.

I need money anyways, so yea, if somebody wants to help me make more money, good then.

This is Sheryl trying to be positive.

I need money for my medical bills.

I don't want my folks to pay for it.

It's the least I can do.

I want my DSLR.

I want flash for lomobaby.

I want a fisheye.

I want my guitar lessons.

(Sarah had her guitar lessons, Nicholas is having his now. I'm the most musically declined.-_-)

Random: Sarah and I are msn-ing even though we are in the same room together.

I'm still having my doubts about many things but I'll take it a step at a time.

Maybe art was destined to be more of a hobby than a career for me.

I find it hard to accept that.

Time will tell.

It will tell many things.

2008-10-13T17:28:00.006+08:00

" I had a dream that I was falling from the sky at ninety miles an hour,

I was bound to crash and die..."

It's about time I updated with the happenings over the weekend.

Ahlian's birthday bash.

A great catch up session with the NAFAians.

I'm missing out on so much lar.

.I was looking forward to this year's sports day cause I missed out on last year's.

THEY HAD PAINTBALL THIS YEAR LARRRRRR!!

!@#$%^&*()@#$%^&*(

Anyway, pictures:

Ruimin gone case already.Haha.

We all look like lobsters lar.

How do you define drunk?

Does laughing way too much and having a sickening headache count?

Cause I think we all felt quite sober but we were behaving like asses.

Especially when Umi and Xianhan laughed at me when I stopped outside the $2 children tattoo shop.lol.

1,2.3 smile.

and Xianhan kept zooming in at where Umi's badge was located.haha. Paedophile.

Hey Tom Cruise.

Hey Cadillac.

They turn barbaric when they're high.Look at how they attack the cheesy mushrooms.

I can picture Umi saying, " Eh! Go away."

Gone case number 2.

Happy birthday Ahlian(((:

Okay, other birthday shout outs.

To my 2 lovely cousins.

I didn't forget OKAY.

Happy birthday Waycherrr.

Happy birthday Melisa.

(Omg. Fugly CNY picture.)

Kbye. I'm done.

2008-10-11T11:38:00.002+08:00

"Back to the same old..."

A Series Of Unfortunate Events.

-The photos I had developed ended up from twenty plus to five.

Mum gave me a tongue lashing for wasting money and forbid me to use the lomo cause I'm a loser and don't know how to use it. All the photos were unexposed or under exposed.

So much for looking forward to it.

-I'm so bloody fucking obese and they keep feeding me.

-I'm farking broke. I spent it all in one single day on coffee and movie.

- I didn't get TAP.

-I didn't win any contest.

Need I go on?

I hate Sheryl.

2008-10-11T00:24:00.003+08:00

"Stay awake, dreams only last for a night..."

Bolt

I'm so gonna catch the movie for the hamster.

Anyways, I need a job URGENTLY.

So urgently, I'd go back and join Sakura on impulse.

I just spent my last few dollars.

Plus, household budget's effing tight lately.

God, I feel darn stressed.

I'll prolly go work on the spot at Sakura tomorrow.

Desperation.

Bye.

And...they're done airing season one of D Gray Man.):

I feel so empty without my friday happiness.

I want the traditional malay-baju-inspired shift from Zara.

That's before, it gets sold out like the last item I had wanted from Zara.

2008-10-08T23:46:00.005+08:00

"I'm on fire..."

The moment you choose to have faith, doubts come. I look for the doubts to make sure I am having faith. Doubts have no reason for showing up unless there is faith active. Paul: When I would do good, evil is present. So whenever evil shows up, there must be a reason; I must be doing good. -Dr A R Bernard

I find that very comforting.
I don't know how, but that quote hushes my urge to cry every time I wanted to for the past few days.

I got myself a B5 sized sketchbook ( how handy ) and I've been sketching non stop.
Yes. It's filled with T-shirt design ideas.(random illustration of today)
I really want to make it work.
I've even gone to coming up with ideas on how to photograph 'ads' for it.
How to style a shoot and all.
I have my heads in the clouds.
I'm aware that I fantasize too much.

I was supposed to meet Razak today, but I was unable to contact him, so it didn't happen.
I want to print shirts soooonnn~

And oh!
I've finished watching the Vampire Knight's episodes on Crunchyroll):
I'm also hooked on facebook. Ever since I discovered Playfish games.hohoho~I started out with having a verbal ability of a mime,then hermit,then pro wrestler and I'm a rock star now.LOL.

Haziyah's brain is corrupted cause she works at Jurong Bird's Park.
I'll prove to you.

Cyra Penholder says: u got look aft the birds all?
haziyah; SNAP, gone foreva. says: No laa..i look after the peopless boyss the hahah..
haziyah; SNAP, gone foreva. says: JK..
haziyah; SNAP, gone foreva. says: birdy2
haziyah; SNAP, gone foreva. says: hahahahahaa
Cyra Penholder says: lolol
Cyra Penholder says: sialar ur brain corrupted
haziyah; SNAP, gone foreva. says: corrupted with colourfull birds..

Colourful birds somemore.lol.

2008-10-08T00:19:00.002+08:00

"That defies all the laws of this world..."

I sent out a million text messages today.

AND nobody replied.

You all hate me or what?

I have a lot to complain actually and I know I'll contradict myself with the next sentence.

Don't come up to me and expect me to confide in you when you walked out of my life so many years ago.Close to a decade, friend. It just feels fake even though you might very well have good intentions. We're not that close for you to know the details of my life.

Good enough that I updated you already. Don't ask why. You don't have to know.(:

God, fill this heart up so it does not have space for anything else.

2008-10-06T22:52:00.002+08:00

"Did anyone try to hard, well I guess I did..."

I feel so depressed.

Partially cause A7X tickets got sold out.

Partially cause I didn't get selected for apprenticeship.

Partially cause I didn't come close to winning any of the competitions I took part in.

Partially cause I didn't do anything constructive.

Partially cause I am broke.

Partially cause I cry too much.

Partially cause I look awful.

Partially cause I feel horrid.

Partially cause I went looking for trouble.

Partially cause I played with fire.

And burnt my fingers again.

sigh.

2008-10-06T01:52:00.003+08:00

"Why do you build up buttercup baby just to let me down and mess me around..."

He did a Sheryl(:

Aiden Aiden Aiden Aiden Aiden.

I love you

You love me

We are happy family

With a great big hug

And kiss from me to you

Won't you say

You love me too?

I AM trying to focus on what I already have and not with those I don't.

But quoting Teddy Geiger, Nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have.

2008-10-05T13:27:00.002+08:00

"And so it is..."

Good morning world.

Fine.

Good AFTERNOON.

I'm so darn tired.

Okay picture this.

I was dreaming of Synyster Gates and his awesome solo.

Then the phone rang.

Anberlin's Never take friendship personal.

At 4am. Damn. I'm awake.

Message: "Eh, u still awake?"

I was thinking, " I am now."

I feel like learning a thing or two about fashion photography.

Okay, I admit.

I just had my dose of the october issue of JUICE.

sigh.

2008-10-05T00:50:00.004+08:00

"Run baby run..."

I think I'm falling sick.

Just sent my aunt off at the airport.

Haha, I'm not on the plane with her.

Shan't emo today cause somebody totally made my day.

Jerahmeel got his A7X ticket already and he was like, " Eh, you going anot?"

And I went, "Noooooo..."

And started whining and stuff.

He was DAMN nice.

"Okay, I sponser you. Serious."

I turned him down. I'll feel bad that my younger cousin has to dig up his savings to send me to a concert.

But the very thought of it was very nice.(:

I heart family.

We all have giraffe necks.

Well, I don't deserve to go anyway.

Remember how you always get rewarded when you get good grades?

(Haha. I have scores of Enid Blyton's rewards...which I often finish within an hour and mum will secretly regret buying the darn book.)

Well, it's the same thing. I cannot expect people to treat me good when I've done nothing to deserve it.

So yea, I'm still very keen on the t-shirt thing.

So, I'm meeting Razak this wed to get started with it.

I have both good AND bad feelings about this.

I don't know why. Despite it not being an ideal 'job', I feel so stubborn about it.

Even when people try to convince me out of it and I'm somewhat convinced, part of me still wants to prove to them that I can make something out of it.

The last time I had such a feeling was when I decided to join NAFA.

Nah, I think I'm being foolish again.

I don't know how to prove myself otherwise.

Cheerup pill(:

Aiden.

Meaning : Little fire , eden.

How true.

I'm glad I gave him that name.(:

2008-10-04T00:39:00.002+08:00

"I want so much to change..."

Don't ask me questions that I have no answers to.

I stepped out of a mess and I'm walking right back into it.

When will you grow up.

You can't have you cake and eat it.

I hate it.

I hate the way life fucks you up.

I hate your guts Sheryl.

Much Like Falling - Flyleaf
When I said good morning
I was lying
I was truly thinking of
How I might quit waking up

He pointed out how selfish
It would be to kill myself
So I keep waking up

It feels so much like falling
Dying while I wait to die
The fear of something or nothing
Lonely empty lie

I don't want to be here, lying
I don't want to be selfish anymore
I want so much to change
Learning your love everyday
There's still so much to know

You grip my wrists
I let go

It feels so much like falling
Separated from the fear
Aware of a destination far away from here

It feels so much like falling
Separated from the fear
Aware of a destination far away from here
Far away from here

2008-10-01T14:56:00.003+08:00

"Won't turn out right, can't turn out right..."

Selamat Hari Raya to ya'll.

But fuck the bloody God damn day for me.

Just when I was telling Haziyah that I don't emo much anymore.

Ha. FUCK YOU SHERYL.

I HATE YOU! YOU USELESS BITCH.

HA. YOU ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE WHEN YOU TRY.

YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE.

LOOK AT YOU, YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT.

YOU CRY AND YOU WIPE YOUR FUCKING TEARS WITH YOUR FUCKING GOLD PAINT -STAINED HANDS.

HA. NOW YOU STAINED YOUR FUCKIN FACE.

I HATE YOU, YOU MOTHER FUCKING LOSER.

I HATE YOU.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I just feel like crying non stop.

2008-09-30T15:10:00.002+08:00

"So let go, jump in, what you're waiting for..."

I have cigarette butt scars on both hands.

One from yesterday. I didn't even realise it till it came in contact with water.

Met up with the sakura people and only went to bed at 5 in the morning.

Razak's like in the same situation as me, so the shirt business really has to work.

I don't know if I'm being naive or silly or maybe just plain stubborn.

I still feel it'll work despite all the facts that Alvin laid out for me.

See, I'll only learn my lesson when I fall flat in my face.

Azmin was asking me yesterday if I felt left out and all.

Well, to a certain extent but they were doing their best to converse in english.

Honestly, I'm used to it lar.

All my life, I surround myself with malays.

Primary school : I had no 'friends' during mother tongue lessons. I'm dead serious. I mean c'mon. Even Mariya from russia took malay.

Secondary school : I joined a CCA dominated by malays. And I dedicated many3 hours to it. Like how we stayed in school till 12 just to finish editing the videos.

My favourite teacher IS a malay.

Nuff said.

Well. tomorrow's Raya.

And I'm upset at the fact that Rashid and Natasha aren't allowed to go this year thanks to their father. I understand my aunt's intention. She doesn't want her kids to be forced into acknowledging their stepmother and step siblings.

But they fasted a whole month, the very least, they should go Raya what.

I'm not in a position to do anything, so I'm secretly hoping Sarah will bring them along when she does go visiting.

They are REALLY losing their roots

2008-09-29T12:19:00.004+08:00

"Dark will turn to light, in time, I'll be alright .I know, I know..."

The man who dared kill Cain would suffer vengeance seven times over.

I have a whole new respect for the band thanks to Jerahmeel's enlightenment.

I want to go to the concert.

Yoelnini! Let's GOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Anyhoos.BW's birthday yesterday.

Aldric's virgin swim(:

Alvin gave me insight on the design industry since he's so darn familiar with it. It seems like I hardly have any options with what I can do in life.

bye.

2008-09-27T11:53:00.005+08:00

"And I hate myself for what I didn't do..."

(Taken at the Biennale. Lovebirds, literally.)

I woke up this morning and felt the need to do something certain.

The strange part's the motivation.

I've not been working/ schooling and relying 100% on my parents.

And if I fracking wanna go to the A7X concert, I definitely would not stretch my hands out and ask for the moolah.

I have morals alright.

I better find my way to start making things happen again.

I used to be so capable of that.

I want things to happen and I will make them happen.

I gotta be more tenacious.

Let's hope this positive stretch last long enough for me to get somewhere.

I'll try to be at my art blog more often now.

bye.

2008-09-27T01:22:00.004+08:00

"So what? I'm a rockstar. I've got my rock moves and I don't need you..."

BIENNALE 2008.

Atiqa and Ahlian, I take back what I said about it being so-so.

I was going through the photos I took today and it refreshed my memory about the exhibit.

I want to say that IT'S EFFING AWESOME!

What I told you must be affected by hunger, I think.

I like the location. Minus the damn heat.

I was geared with winter wear cause I thought it was gonna be a rainy day.

I felt so cheated.

Basked in the excitement of the F1 racing.

To my own disappointment, I wasn't too excited. Like you barely see the cars for a minute when they zip by and that was it. I didn't feel the kick.

I'd rather play Need for Speed with my brother on the xbox.

Oh, the union between Farid and Luq = Perverted conversations. ( half the time, I don't understand OR take a million years to get it.)

Rest of the pictures are on my multiply.

I really don't think my photography is improving much. In fact, I think it's getting worse!

I'm in a fucking pissed mood thanks to my room mate.

At times like this, I wish I was in Dubai.

Wow. I found a solution to convince myself to go there and not come back.

I shall go in a state of anger and regret later.

I should get her to irritate the shit out of me.

Honestly, there are plenty of reasons why I ought to leave here.

I don't feel like I belong here anymore.I believe that in the lives of most of the people I know, I'm just a person who came and went.

Trust me, if I do go over, people will forget me entirely. Cause as it is right now and here, people ARE already forgetting my existence.

To think I said that I have a better control over my emotions.

I wanna turn in now, I have to rack brains to think of what I'm to do with the right foot of a PURPLE croc.

I can't friggin download the entry form either.ROARS~

kbye.

2008-09-24T23:15:00.001+08:00

"I'm not insane, I'm not insane..."

A7X! 24th OCT.

Let's go! Let's go!