"And they still don't know

I don't think its the right

time and place to show..."

They know something's up , though they dont know what exactly.

I havent said a word the whole day. Literally.

Neither have I eaten.

This feels like the depression period I went thru last year.

Well, looking on the bright side, I'll lose weight from the loss of appetite right?

Im coming 46 kilos(:

hahaha.

Stop exposing my lie.

You know when I was so dependent on people , they found me annoying.

Now when Im trying like fuck to be independent, they tell me Im pushing them away.

What more do you all want?

You asked me to change and you all hate it now?

You know, when I say my daily prayers, my mind just draws a blank.

I dont exactly know what to pray for.

I know I have rights and alot of points to bring up to seal my place in Nafa , but I dont quite wanna fight for it.

See it in this light, I screwed sem 1 and sem 2. I can screw it again and again and again.

Cause some things I'll never learn.

And I clearly remember what Hobo said to me when I appealed for assessments.

"Settle your life first so you'll be able to concentrate on your studies."

It starts to make sense now.

Lets say I successfully manage to appeal and what not, past problems are still gonna hold me back and it'll be a never ending cycle.

But if I DONT continue with my studies, Im so many years ahead of my life and I dont know what to do with that.

I feel like just sitting here and let God do the work cause I've no idea what I want.

Im not to psyched about getting my hopes up cause chances are that they will let me down.

It happened way too many times and Im convinced.

Im fine. I'l say Im fine and I may be lying.

But you'll not know for sure(: