"If only you could see me now..."

Lets get sensitive now.

I miss baby. The tiny little thing of a hamster decomposing in amirah's flowerpot now.

She made me happier.She made me more responsible.

She made me realise that life had to go on even if it hurt so badly.

Animals dont have souls. When they're dead, that's it.fullstop.

I've been thinking about death lately.

What happens after that. How long is forever?

How miserably short our lives are.

Why i didnt celebrate my birthday?

Here's my reasoning :

A year older, a year closer to death.

I panicked cause I've yet to achieve anything.

What if I'm gone before i managed to?

I dream of my grandparent's death and wondered if i would cry.

What if Im gone?

Who'd be crying?

Who'd be missing me?

Whose lives have I changed?

I wish my older brother was around.

What a different life it would be if he didnt die before he was born.

Its strange that I've never seen him but have a strong attachment to him.

I like people to look out for me and protect me instead of the other way round.

How many times have I played the role of a man and sent my girl friends home?

walking them to the lift and stuff.

I like to have someone older and wiser to confide in.

I like the idea of going "korrrrrrrr~"

Sarah and I are too different.

My brother and I would probably have the same taste in lotsa stuff(:

I'm very boyish, i know. All the more we would have been able to click.

sigh.

My dear brother, where'd you go?

We could have been best friends you know?

go ahead and laugh at me for being silly.

i know you think it's impossible to miss a person you never knew.