"Drive fast until we crash..."

Judging from the opening of this post, you can expect a pretty emo crap one.

I think this feeling is contributed by the fact that 2009 is drawing to an end.

And well, you've heard this before, I'm still stuck...here.

I'm such a boring person.

I don't have a life.

I'm one example of a person who starts fading out of the social circle until gradually I'll disappear entirely.

Nobody bothers to ask, "Hey, how are you nowadays?" anymore.

Cause they've all heard the story before.It's same old, same old.

You know, I never really saw myself in such a position.

I think I can easily consider myself as one of the moderately goody goody kind of student back then.

Who would have thought that I'll end like the ahlians in secondary school, who puff away at their fags in the toilet.

And when the discipline master comes round for a check, they shove their cigarettes to me for safe keeping cause no one in hell would EVER suspect me.

What happened?

I'm still a little shock at this reversal of roles.

I'm fighting so hard not end up like one of those girls who tend stores in bugis street FOR A LIVING.

I thought I was much more than what I am now.

I'm hoping for a better year in the coming one.

Still, part of me tells me to not keep my hopes up.

Okay, I'm really being panicky about lots of stuff.

Now more than ever now I've come to know what my mum has been doing.

You know, I don't really have much in life to be dancing around about.

I know I have one for sure and I'm holding on bloody tightly.

Then you tell to be less dependent.

You're telling me to not depend too much on that main source of happiness in my life.

It really stopped in my tracks.

It made me feel like a burden.

It made me feel like, I was carrying this burden for a while and some comes along and say "Hey,I'll help you."

Then changed his mind and say," Maybe I shouldn't. You'll turn complacent."

It made me feel like, after scaring the shit out of myself, I scared the crap out of you.

I also wish I have more in life to be passionate about.

That's apparently not the case I guess.

I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, but the recent situation in my life kinda messed my head up a little.

Even, with your persistent assurance.

I somehow feel one day you're gonna think that you've had enough and walk away.

It nearly happened once.

So close.

I know you're gonna say this whole paradigm thing is gonna come true if I keep pushing it.

BUT, I'm not exactly an optimistic person to begin.

Not when you lost your religion.

Not when you think God doesn't give two hoots about you when you're not worshipping Him in the right way.

I'm done.

Kbye.