finally took the courage to come online.
finally took the courage to step out of the house.
quit telling me to pretend everything is fine.
so what if i cried for seven days straight?
i cant even cry at home. got chased out of the house just because i wasnt allowed to cry.
how is all these fair to me? how come when there's a problem every other problem just jumps in to join the fun?
everyone is claiming that they're trying to understand me. in what way are you?
some has been really nice like God sent rachel, but you;ll never understand how bad it hurts and i pray you'll never be in the situation as i am. like my dear aunt susan , whose been through so much.i know you all care. but there's only so much you can do.
some not so considerate people like sarah who doesnt really care that the way she talks on the phone with hamid hurts me.
i really pray nobody else will be in the situation like i am.its really depressing.it like all that i really care for was snatched from my grasp in a single message. i so scared to move. cooping myself up was like the only way. and nobody's allowing me to do that.i dont know how to be happy.im stuck here. i dont know what to do with myself.
its hard not to cry. i tried. i tried so hard.
i left home hoping for a better day today.my first day out after a week.i came home feeling worse.
im hoping and hoping.if hopes are dashed , that's it. i'll crumble more than before.and this time i have no way to pick myself up.
you know irni , you speculated that my absence from school could possibly be due to the the fact that i got into an accident.i wish i did and it almost happened today!but the stupid driver braked just in time.i wish i fainted from all the starving but my parents are unable to pay for my hospital bills.
oh.you know , starving does help take your mind off all the thinking.allows you to focus on the pain and discomfort instead.
im such a mess now.i only hope everything will go back to the way it used to be.i want to be happy again.
and God. you made me lost faith in you countless times.i have no choice but to trust in you cause you're the only one who can perform a miracle.so dear God please do not let me down. please give her a miracle. please help her get well. please spare everyone from unfortunate inccidents.please not making people i care for cry.and please answer all my other prayers.

irni , i'll be praying for you too.


i'll be waiting for you.